dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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