Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
