Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
