how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
