I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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