You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Randomize
