she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
