Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
