If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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