he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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