I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
