my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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