ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
