I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Randomize
