tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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