Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
