No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Randomize
