Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
