So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
