I met the friendliest cop last night
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
