You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
