they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
