we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
