Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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