I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
