I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I can text with my tongue
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I will be naked everywhere
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
