why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Randomize
