Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
