porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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