i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
