last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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