why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
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