marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Randomize
