my vag is so smooth its legendary
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
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