she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
