it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
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