I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Randomize
