note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
