Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
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