And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
