friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
