Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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