I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
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