God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
