I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
