No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Randomize
