let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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