Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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