i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
