sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Randomize
