my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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