just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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