i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Randomize
