If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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