four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
