Is it normal to miss your booty call?
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
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